DearMarvel!
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: Ask your favorite Marvel characters questions! Troll them, compliment them, enrage them, I don't care! If you have any questions for separate universes (DC. Artemis Fowl, Gravity Falls), they will be made in a different fanfiction! Please be gentle, I'm a newbie. *puppy eyes* But be fair. If you don't submit any questions, I'll just make them up! Have an excellent day!
1. Chapter 1

I don't own any Marvel characters. I merely have them chained up in my basement.

_S_C_E_N_E_B_R_E_A_K_

**Brand new to the "Fiction Express" paper, it's "Dear…Marvel"! Each new installment brings YOU into contact with some of America's most beloved fictional characters! Write in with your questions, no matter how dumb or offensively idiotic, and we might take pity on you and answer them! Our first chapter begins with the cast of the Marvel universe!**

_Dear Magneto,_

_Your helmet is ugly. Why not make a green one? Green and brown would be mostly lovely. Ever seen _ Shrek_?_ _ Oh, yes, green and brown._

_Sincerely,_

_D. B. Otto_

Dear D. B. Otto,

The last time I tried that, Dr. Doom tried to kill me for copyright infringement! Who are you, anyway? Wait… You're another Doom bot! Cursed spam! Stop wrecking my newly-found honest living! KILL ALL HUMANS! No…no..remember my shock therapy….

Sincerely,

Magneto

_Dear Captain America,_

_The Fourth of July is patriotic. Lighting fireworks is a common act on the Fourth of July. So why does the local government make laws about excessively loud fireworks and when to fire them?_

_Sincerely,_

_An Outraged Person_

Dear An Outraged Person,

Does not compute….does not compute….Liberty malfunction….I need to go read a book.

Sincerely,

Captain America

_Dear Superior Spider-Man,_

_Why you acking so cray-cray? No, really. You've been acting different, like killing villains and beating people to death, y'know. Why aren't you telling any more jokes, yo?_

_Sincerely,_

_Status Quo Whiner_

Dear Rick Aaronson,

Firstly, I found your real name. I detest pseudonyms. Secondly, I have not altered my behavior in any way, ever since the tragic day that my best enemy, Doctor Octopus, perished. I will hunt you down if you anger me again.

Sincerely,

Superior Spider-Man

_Dear Thor,_

_I love you. Please give me some beauty tips on your magnificent, flowing, luxurious hair._

_Sincerely,_

_Deadpool_

Dear Deadpool,

If I remember correctlyth, then I told thou to stay away from me. By the power of Mjolnir, thou constant stalkingth will be avengedth!

From The Noble House Of Odin,

Thor, Son Of Odin

P.S. Moisturizer and "Fruity Patooty" scented shampoo-th.

**That's all for now, folks! If you have any questions for any other fictional character, ask away! Marvel Universe questions will be answered here, and questions for other universes will be answered in other so-called "fan fictions." **

**_SCENE_BREAK_**

This is what occupies the dark recesses of my mind, readers. If you have ANY questions (Nay to inappropriate, yay to appropriate), then tell me below. Read, review, send to TV Tropes as a fan fiction recommendation! It may be out of character, but I try to be funny! (I'm desperate.) If you so desire to, then read my stories on FanFiction, I hope to have more stories in the future. Have an excellent day!


	2. Chapter 2

**Hola! This is our second installment of "Dear...Marvel!" As always, write in with your suggestions for characters and questions! If you want a different universe (DC Comics, Fairly OddParents, Phineas and Ferb), just ask! We'll contact that universe, and attempt to get an interview with them! Remember, we don't own anything at "Fiction Express", not even a decent coffee dispenser! **

(Psst...Quiet in the back! Don't talk during a SCENE BREAK!)

Dear Hulk,

Will you recommend some anger-management classes for me?

Sincerely,

Ackin' Cray-Cray

_Dear Ackin' Cray-Cray,_

_Hulk prefer smashing puny gods and destroying buildings. Sorry._

_Sincerely,_

_Hulk_

Dear Frank Castle,

Is there a job opening in your 'business?' I would very much like to work with you.

Vindex

_Dear Vindex,_

_You think you got what it takes to put a gun to someone's shivering face and pull the trigger? See their blood and brains spill out onto the ground? Stab someone to death? Get tortured by mobsters AND torture mobsters for hours, ropes burning into your flesh? Evade the police and never live an enjoyable life? You don't want to be me, kid. Go home. Play some games, read a book. You want to fire a gun, get a license or become a cop. I'm not inflicting this on anyone. _Anyone.

_Sincerely,_

_Frank Castle, "The Punisher"_

Dear Spider-Man,

You remind me of someone, but I don't know who. Could it be...Peter...Paparino?

Sincerely,

Suspiciously Wondering

_Dear Suspiciously Wondering,_

_Paparino? Whew. Uh, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Bye._

_Sincerely,_

_Spider-Man_

Dear Squirrel Girl,

How did you defeat the Beyonder? It was never shown.

Sincerely,

Wondering

_Dear Wondering,_

_Ha,ha! It's easy! I-_

Do you like funerals? Come to Bob's Funeral Shack for the best funeral you've ever seen! Trust me! I have salsa, corpses, clown babies, and adult diaper-scented juice! Remember, for the funeral you won't be bored at, come to Bob's!

**We sincerely apologize for the interruption. We have a criminally low budget, and need to rent ads out in random places. Have a great day, eat your Wheaties, and keep buying the "Fiction Express!" (Along with Frosted Flakes!)**


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